No Wall Flower in the Dance of Life
"Some people, as they reach the age of retirement, overdo the retiring and withdraw from active life because they think they are too old to find new occupations with which to fill their days," says award-winning author and Hollister, MO, resident Edith McCall in her latest book, Sometimes We Dance Alone.
She writes, "They choose to be the occupants of the chairs along the wall in life's ballroom, the wallflowers sitting out the rest of the opportunities for adventure that offer themselves." McCall, whose hobbies range from woodcarving and bird watching to world travel, is an example of one who refuses to sit out the dance of life.
McCall has written 50 books and coauthored 30. In 1988, in recognition of her contribution to education and her body of work, the University of Wisconsin named her a Distinguished Alumnus. Her articles for adults and the lectures she gives in schools and libraries reflect her wide range of her interests.
In view of her experiences of world travel, educating, and lecturing, you might assume that McCall has always had an outgoing personality. But in Sometimes We Dance Alone, she exposes herself as a shy little girl. "Once upon a time a girl of twelve was learning the art of becoming a wallflower," she begins in the second chapter. McCall describes the girl: a straight A student, the youngest girl in her class who feels she is clumsy and not pretty. "I was that girl," she writes. "It took many years and a variety of demanding experiences for me to grow in social confidence and to see myself as a person worthy of love."
Despite her lack of social confidence in her teen years, McCall was always independent. During the summer before the start of her first teaching position, she accepted a position as "second dining room girl" in a tuberculosis sanatorium without writing home to consult her parents. "That was when the Depression was getting going, and I knew I couldn't get a job in Chicago," McCall explained. "My mother was horrified later on. I was exposed to T.B.! . . . You know how when you're young you don't think how your parents might react. I wanted to handle the financial responsibilities as best I could. I was working in a dentist's office . . . walking a mile and a half [to work]. . . all through the winter. I remember one day it was so cold, just to breathe, it felt like your tongue was freezing if you opened your mouth at all. It was 35 below zero! So I was trying very hard not to be a financial burden. And the job in the T.B. sanitorium was the only job that I could get. I applied for a job in the office, but they required shorthand, and I had never studied shorthand. Then they offered me this other job, and it was better than nothing. A lot of people couldn't get jobs at all in those Great Depression days."
McCall was able to gradually add social confidence to her strong, independent nature. "Taking the job of being the reading consultant in La Grange Schools was very good for me," she told me. "When I took that job, I was a staff person, and I had to go to each of the five schools and talk before the P.T.A. groups and talk before the teaching groups. And I had to learn to get up and ignore the poor father who didn't want to go to P.T.A. in the first place and was sitting there. . .like that (McCall did an impression of a father, slumped over and snoring) . . . and pretend he was alive and listening, too; and I had to build up my confidence. That job was very good for me because it forced me to do so."
Her elementary school work with children with reading disabilities inspired her to write a new kind of book for such children--a type of "novel" written in controlled vocabulary. At the time she began writing these "junior novels," most children's readers did not have a series format, but consisted of short, complete stories with little room for plot and character development. McCall wanted to create a medium that would hold children's interest while building their reading skills. The results were text books with vocabulary accessible to students who are challenged in reading.
After McCall retired from her job as a reading consultant in 1955, she continued to write books such as the Bucky Button series and Butternut Bill series for children. "I wrote the Butternut Bill series after I came here to live, after I had quit my paychecks. I haven't had a salary check since," she said, bemused.
"The Butternut Bill books made a big hit in the Ozarks, particularly, because they're based here. But they also sold well all over the country, and if the company hadn't changed hands, they would have been in print a lot longer."
McCall's success as a writer was another stimulus to her growing confidence, as she writes in her book, "As the years passed, a confident person slowly emerged from the shy young woman. Admittedly, there are still times when a bit of my old fear of rejection surfaces and I hesitate to join a group uninvited. But success at my second profession opened a new world to me, and gradually my tendency to withdraw into myself gave way to a new self confidence."
McCall's story of her own journey to self-acceptance and her decision to participate actively in the dance of life inspires those who are apprehensive about trying new ways of remaining active in their retirement years. A woman who has so built her self-confidence and has lived such an independent life would surely have good ideas for people in need of those qualities. When asked to give advice to someone who has always depended on a spouse for making decisions or travel arrangements, McCall answers, "I've often thought about that, and of course, it's pretty hard to put yourself in the place of another husband and wife. In my case, it probably was a blessing for me, but my husband hated to do the outdoor work and he liked to do electrical things. He liked to do a lot of soldering; there would always be bits of solder on the kitchen stove, and that sort of thing. In fact, he wired this house when we moved here and never did blow it up or anything! But he hated to do so many other things. . . Iike when we took out the old furnace in Western Springs. We converted to oil in the furnace so we no longer needed the coal room. . . I was the one that cleaned out that old coal room. I always did jobs like that, and I think it was good for me.
"I think a woman needs to think ahead, if she has one of these very obliging husbands who goes ahead and does everything and does all the driving and all that. So many men die before their wives do. There are lots more widows than widowers, and the husband really should realize that his wife needs to have confidence in [doing things such as] driving. For instance, if they go on a long trip, to change off and let her learn how it is to be the one behind the wheel out on the highway. . . . I know some women are so floored when they're left alone that they're miserable. They have to give up things because they're afraid. They need to build up their confidence as they go along."
McCall also advises women who may be accustomed to letting their husbands take care of the financial affairs to begin learning how to handle their own accounts.
"They should have a separate account so that they have a credit standing. I know a young woman who is recently divorced and she was saying, 'How can I get a credit card?' . . . She said she needed a credit card and they kept turning her down because she didn't have a credit record....You should have credit in your own name, even if you establish a small checking account on your own and charge some things on it and pay your bills, you know. . . . Because that is a real problem when you haven't been alone.
"My advice would be do your best to share a lot of the things that are involved in handling the household accounts and things that are done. And many women are doing that now right from the start. A lot of the younger women. It's the older ones who are still living in the old pattern that would be having most of the problem. If a divorce is imminent, be sure you get your credit established while you're thinking about it."
In her new book, McCall also encourages others to think positively. She feels a person's mental state has much to do with his or her physical state, and credits God for her ability to keep a good attitude about life.
McCall's positive attitude has helped her overcome many fears to enjoy experiences that would otherwise have been lost to her. Before her first cruise, McCall was apprehensive about meeting new people. She wondered if she'd be the only single on board and if she'd have difficulty forming new friendships. But she didn't let her fears interfere with her plans to go. And through the years, she has found that the people she meets on tours are usually eager to make new friends. Since that first voyage to Europe, McCall has been on many trips by ship, freighter, train, bus, car, and plane. If she had let her fear of isolation stand in her way, she would never have discovered her favorite pastime.
Through the years, this love of traveling has not been dampened. "Some people use excuses to just sit and feel sorry for themselves, and after a while, the people they know get kind of tired of their personality if they're just thinking about [their troubles]. . . . We all have certain failings as we get older. I have them, the same as anybody else, but if we dwell on them, we're apt to magnify those failings instead of trying to minimize them and say 'Well at least I can do this, and I can do that,' and make the most of opportunities. It's your attitude that's so important. And developing the attitude that life is worth living, and that you are not going downhill as soon as you hit 40, or especially 50. That's silly. You don't have to go downhill; you're supposed to have learned something along the way, to have developed some wisdom and some judgment and some ideas.
"If I were like a lot of others, letting fear dominate my thinking, I wouldn't have gone out on these adventures, and had the wonderful times I had. My point that I make in the book is that we all need to use common sense, but consider whether things are probable as well as possible, and if they're not probable, well, why hold yourself back? Go ahead and do the things that you plan to do. Just use a little common sense along the way."
McCall stresses the fact that people who are not able to travel can still keep mentally active through reading, hobbies, informative videos, or taking courses. "[Don't] give up on all activities because you have some physical failing. If you can't walk, there are still things that are open to you. For the people who can walk, there is always volunteer work that they can do. For example, if you're bookish, volunteer at the library or the school. If that's not your interest, the hospital and nursing homes always need volunteer assistance."
For those who are interested in traveling combined with study, McCall recommends Elderhostel: a program which provides older people with an economical way to travel and study. In fact, there is an Elderhostel group which comes to College of the Ozarks every year to participate in various courses.
"If people seeking adventure would just step out and take a chance, a good percentage of plans will turn out pretty well. And, because you tried something new, you have impressions and memories for all the rest of your life," says McCall in her living room, pointing out items she had gathered on her travels--a music box from Rabat, Morocco; an intricately carved shepherd's cup from the Balkans and a figure of Achilles from the island of Corfu. Each object is the trigger for a pleasant memory of a faraway place.
She adds, "Everyone is different and I've followed my own path. . . . What I've done isn't what's going to appeal to everybody, but for me it's been satisfying and I'm not through yet."
Photograph of Edith McCall and article courtesy of Gaye Lisby, Branson Living Magazine
